NIFFY AND BOOKS
 |
(BOOK REVIEW)
EPISODE 1
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
WRITTEN BY: GARY CHAPMAN
When we talk of love, dealing with the erotic one i have many unanswered questions, the fact that people say "love is blind" even made things more complicated. I had to go deep in study about love as if i knew something about it before and after a lot of researches i got to know the reason people say "love is blind". However, Will Moss brightened my understanding on the whole " Love is blind " poem, he said; " Love is not blind, it sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see less". ( I hope you'd understand like I do)
I have always asked my self why things go well during courtship than marriage, oh! Perhaps it's a wrong question, right?
Anyways, i don't think it a wrong question because virtually everyone asks that question and it's a great pleasure to inform you that answers will be provided to all your questions concerning " Love, Courtship and Marriage" as we review a book titled THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES written by GARY CHAPMAN.
I am very sure you will enjoy the dialogue conversation style between Mahaara and I (niffy). It will be more interesting if you can imagine how fantastic the interaction will look like.
Niffy: Hello, welcome readers to the first episode of "Niffy and Books". All things being equal we appreciate the creator of Heaven and earth who made it possible for us to see a bright new day and i hope your day has been treating you well? Without biting round the bush, i have a fantastic being with me, she is Mahaara, you can welcome her in spirit (smiles) i am very sure you will find this more interesting as you read through...........
Mahaara: okay! She has said it all. I am Mahaara welcome to our world of books once again, follow us as we go through " The five love languages" by "Gary Chapman". Who is Gary.D. Chapman?
Niffy: Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships. He is the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
To start with, i am praticaly in love with the first sentence written under Acknowledgements, it says; " love begins or should begin at home". This will surely help the growing child(ren) in all ramification of life.
Mahaara: yes dear, i do believe that too because a child that grows to show others love is a child that has felt love in one way or the other.
Niffy: I see, what should we say about
" Marriage gone wrong". Let dive into the first chapter, " What happens after the wedding?"
Mahaara: Boom! After wedding is marriage Niffy and I remember clearly that you said, probably like a question, "why do things go well in courtship than marriage?" You know it somehow the same question with the topic in the first chapter. You know this topic itself is carring a question mark i am very sure that the person who asked this question has really been shattered by relationship problems and i have this positive feelings that we will definitely get an answer.
Niffy : (laughs) yes i think so. You see this very chapter tells about a man Sir Gary met on the plane who enjoyed his courtship but had no peace in his marriage. He married three times, when he got to the garden of confusion he had to ask Gary Chapman that "what happens to love after wedding?" He told Sir Gary how his first wife diverted all her attention to her baby and treated him as if he doesn't exist, the second marriage was so disastrous from the honeymoon, finally the third one was good from the beginning, he thought it would be different because they dated each other for two years, he talked of how he appreciated her presence in his life and even praised her for her good works in the house, he also told her how he loved her and he kept on telling her about her beauty that seems to never fade (smiles) but it went wrong because she was always complaining about petty things like, he is not taking the garbage out or not hanging up his clothes, later on she attacked his characters and said she isn't sure he is faithful. She really caused a lot of troubles and they had to split. What a pity!
Mahaara: what a soul touching story, you know, i was thinking the second marriage went wrong because they dated for 6 months but when i continued reading i understood that the longitivity of dating can't be a determinant of a lasting marriage because if it does, the third marriage would have been the best out of all he had before. ( i stand to be corrected)
Niffy: True talk dear, however he asked if his experience is a common one, do you think it is common?
Mahaara: Yes! Perfect Yes! It's common, majority are in this same predicament of marriage gone wrong thing and they need solution. Sir Gary gave that man a befitting answer to his question and we all need to know the answer he gave to the man in the garden of confusion as Niffy said. According to the book, there are lot of people who went to different seminars in order to prevent their marriage from dying also there are some who read a lot of books to be successful in their marital life and yet they keep having problem upon problems. Why the problems?
Niffy: I think there is an answer to that, let read what Sir Gary wrote about love in relationship with language.....
"In the area of linguistics, there are major language groups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learn additional languages but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate. In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of “Affirming Words” to his third wife when he said, “I told her how beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband.” He was speaking love, and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn’t see it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love."
What do you think about this???
Mahaara: (sighs) we are from different family background and we are raised or trained in different ways, it isn't right for members of the same family to get married. Since two people from different background are coming together has one, that is, husband and wife they need to understand one another and this brings about the secondary language. Let me explain this in a very simple way; The man is an entity with 40% primary love language while the woman is an entity with 50% primary love language too, once they come together has husband and wife they must understand and adopt the characteristics of one another entity this makes them have a sum total of 90% languages because the husband added the wife 50% primary love language to his 40% primary love language, the added value which is 50% becomes a secondary language to him but the more he speaks or uses it, it becomes more like is original primary language and vice versa, that is, same with the wife. I hope i tried
Niffy: Wow! Bravo! You really deserve a round of applause for this. You are really great. Good explanation. Let read this part of the book;
"Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language. Therein lies the fundamental problem. Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want him/her to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language."
Mahaara: Then how do we identify and understand our spouse's primary love language???
Niffy: Calm down dear, when we get to the bridge we will definitely cross over. So, (stressed) before we go deep into knowing our spouse love language we need to talk on Sir Gary's knowledge on "keeping the Love tank full".
I hope you enjoyed reading that??? 👆👆👆👆
Fell free to drop questions, it will be attended to. However your comment is very important.
There is more to know........
See you next week.
I remain Niffy
Bye.......................
Nice one
ReplyDelete